I arrived
on Wednesday morning, late, as coaches sometimes tend to be; I was received by
an incredible Hunter’s Moon, red and ghostly as she hid behind the clouds
before disappearing into the far-off ground…
A blessing, she said it was, her blood-like colour waning, seen best by
some back at my continent of origin (and perhaps by some as well here? I get
lost and confused by the changes relating to GMT, and the fact that I have been
living right there for the past three months seem to be of no help at all… not
that it would, anyways, but you know
what I mean…). A blessing, then, she
said, and I understood her perfectly: I needed not see the eclipse because she
is not hiding from me, nor do I need to hide from myself evermore; but she kept
the red of passion, of the magical and historical elements that hooked me into
this culture twenty years ago, of the drive that makes me push forward and
remain, of the literary blood that flows in my veins and reveals all my worlds,
of the love I found at the most unexpected turn of the very last corner I could
have taken shy of three weeks ago… The
red that makes me learn and grow and dance as I carry on… The red that symbolizes every aspect of the
human heart…
And on the
other side of the Lady Moon were the bridges, all lit in different measures,
waking up at the break of dawn, bringing a smile to my lips, that sweet one
that refers to nostalgias and bight futures all at the same time… I’ve reached two of my goals all at the same
time, without time to reflect on what it’d mean, what’s the best way to balance
all, to keep going and make every step better without losing on bit of the
greatness that has arrived… That
greatness means in both ways an incredible push for me to learn about the world
once again; I feel inspired by the people who surround me to push my boundaries
of creation, to use my new-found near-absolute health to work with the people
and the land, to stretch my imagination (even more, that’s right!) and devise
more words and messages of hope and empathy and the world becoming one… I have always put in my grain of sand, but
now I have crossed the line into those who shall carry buckets, or clean
certain spaces of the beach, or perhaps help another soul build a sandcastle,
because that’s what’ll bring about more hope…
I was afraid of the responsibility that healing meant, but this is it:
my social conscience beckons for me to help as much I can in a more practical
way than I have ever done before… This
will mean, of course, a lot more training, a lot more learning, and a lot more
healing to be constantly done, but now that I see that the hard work is so
rewarding, there is no way I could ever turn back on it again!
I had grown
concerned over the past few months about my own thwarted need to return over and
over to the same old subjects; I had lost a bit of myself years ago, and been
focusing even since on getting it back, scary as it was because most of the
time it just seemed so far away; everything changed as the two doors opened
right in front of me, and I realized more than ever before how every single
turn and loop and silly mistake and opportunities that I decided not to take
have all led me to this particular moment, right here, right now, and it could
not have been otherwise! I have been
saying that for the past couple years, at least, known it since about four
years back, but it had to be as this Autumn reached me that all the wheels that
had been turning just clicked into each other, and a new goal was created from
it… Well, “new” is not quite the word,
since I’d been saying for a while that I wanted to become a Healer anyways, and
Healing Spaces was the basis of my business and my coaching ideal anyhow, but
every once in a while you just have to be a phone call away from bliss to
notice how strong that “new” goal really is…
You see, I
stare into eyes of rainy days permanently now, even at those times when I close
my eyes. What I see in the rain is
always pure, always life: cooling and healing and intensely creative, cozy like
home and brings me thoughts of coffee, books and cats… even the stormy weather,
because the land is being swept for onwards regeneration, and thunder scrolls
the heavens to intensify our energy for days to come… in those eyes I guess the
stories that later are told with his voice of music, thyme and lore; and I am
afraid of seeming like a newbie as he talks, and he makes me feel proud to be
one, and it brings tears to my eyes as I think of it, much like it did on
Monday as I walked into my room in London after the most intense week of my
life (“What have I been doing so far?
What are my stories to tell? Why
am I so focused on myself when there is so much more out there?”). Tears of shame or tears of gratefulness, you
decide, I don’t care. I know, just like
we all do from a very young age, that none of us can give that which we don’t
have, so I have to believe that this is the last bit of myself that I had to be
ready for, in order to claim my prizes, and in order to be strong enough to
give back to the world again!
The story
of the two souls that touched ground at maybe just about the same time four
years ago, he in Glastonbury, me in Stonehenge, some weeks apart and oblivious
to the other, could yet be told one day if time and space allows, for both
stories stretch back into growth and paradigm switches from ten, twenty, thirty
years ago… Just imagine: one of my regenerations used to dress like a boy, one
of his regenerations was a Goth; who knows what would have happened if we had
met either one back then? And both
stories have enough swirling about until the time they came together… and so
much more spinning lays ahead of us, because there is no stopping the path of
knowledge once started! Bear with me and
perhaps someday we’ll tell; he’s done so much in his own way, I’ve done so much
in mine, and as far as I know, this new volume has only just begun…!
So let me
take you back to Newcastle, then, cos I have a word to keep with this past and
possibly future home of mine: I have yet to say Thank You once again…! I say “once again” because if any of you
remembers correctly, that is how I started my blog in the first place, with my
deepest heart-felt thanks to the University that gave me my first YES and is
giving me now my second one… my story with Newcastle is one of connecting with
my intuition and learning to say yes to life…
I will take license from myself to include the link here to my
graduation speech, one I didn’t deliver but was highly acclaimed during the
audition stage:
That is how
I express myself, in any case, and I would not change a word from it to say
thanks! I will include my most
inspirational teachers, Ann Coburn, Linda Anderson, Margaret Wilkinson, Jackie
Kay and Will Fiennes, because they are most deserving of knowing that without
their words and comments, both good or bad, I would not have found it in me the
determination to keep pushing forward in all my areas… My novel is coming
along, and even in my previous book, my short story collection, I thank all my
teachers from here, much as I will thank again when Wideawake sees the light of
day; they all deserve thanks, but I will point out that these five mentioned
here were not just teachers to me, they were focus points for me to turn to,
and they lighted my way in smaller or bigger ways so that I could turn
something that was half-cooked into a full wedding cake to make and eat it too
(crappy reference, seen as that particular short story did not make the best
grades in the eyes of Linda Anderson, but I guess you’ll all have to judge it
for yourselves when my second short story collection is ready to come into the
light as well!). (Yes, that’s me trying to grab your attention with a wacky
clue and see if I can make you want my second short story collection be
finished soon so you can read me there as well) (Is it working?).
My story
with Newcastle is far from over, though, but there is still more to be learned
in life anyway, so I am more than glad to come back to this city for as short
or long as needed for me to get a hold on that which I will make mine: my business,
my books, my love-life as soon as we can stop skipping from town to town? All right, that’s already mine, however far
apart we are at times, and I could not be any more grateful for that wise and
bright and beautiful presence in my life…!
All right,
so I’ve kept it short this time around (almost!), and very very sweet, because
how could it not be? I can only say
another time (more publicity for me), the other blogs I spoke about are shaping
up, and the first one might already be up by the time this is being read, so
keep on the lookout, because I am not dancing in the dark anymore: I’ve got
light now, and I’ve got company, and the thing I want the most is to work out
the many ways that I can join the ranks of people who are working hard to heal
the world…
Blessings
to all, and may you have a beautiful day, evening, week or weekend ahead of
you!
PS, just
have to say that the first thing I did as I walked into the Old Library
Building was get lost because of the labyrinth of doors and stairs that English
University buildings seem to consist of, and because of the imperceptiveness of
my brain when it comes to looking at signs for the right amount of time before
treading in the direction that I *think* I understand is the right one… All right, first point in motion to keep
working on so that I don’t keep getting myself, and other people lost as well…!
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