One more for the road...

Another one of my life-eras is ending as you read these words.  Another one, yet again marked by the constant search for my own person, my professional success, and of course my place on this blessed Earth.  During the past few months, just like always before, I have not stopped knocking on doors, I have not stopped pumping my legs so that they get me to my destination, and most of all, I have always kept on wishing…  Granted, I nearly lost hope sometime three months ago, and was this close to settling down in the wrong sense of the word…  I’ve come to realize that if someone tries to map out my life through this blog and some of the other writings I’ve done, there could be two outcomes: one, that they would be amazed at my strength, passion and stamina to undergo my healing and become who I’ve always known I’m meant to become… or two, that they would be miffed and impatient at my utter insanity.  Either way, I’m fine with it.  Either way, I shall keep on writing.  Either way, I shall always remain the Fool and keep plunging in, because if one thing I’ve learned is that you really get nowhere if you don’t jump in! This time around it’s been the same, and I’m nowhere near landing, cos I’m having so much fun flying around!

Wait… that came out weird… let me try again… Yeah, here goes: remember that moment sometime during The Trilogy of Five when Arthur Dent learns to fly because he kind of forgot to land?  I feel a little bit like that, or a lot, rather!  And now I’ve got my own Fenchurch to fly around with!  Or, er, maybe Stephen’s Arthur and I’m Fenchurch, you know, whatever…  Not that that matters, so moving on.

What I’m trying to say, is that those of you who’ve travelled with me over the past year have witnessed the pain, the confusion, the anguish, the crazy ramblings and one or two overenthusiastic displays of feelings for men I’d just met (Tom Hiddleston does *not* count.  He’s an actor, he’s not real in my life.) (Oh, wait, Stephen is an actor… erm, yeah, but he counts.  He’s real here and now with me, enough said.).  Those “statements” within the blog were obviously jokes, but some people took them too seriously and they came back to hit me in the face a few months ago…  I know sometimes jokes have an element of truth behind them, but like my friend Laura said the other day, anybody who knows me will know that such truth lays in the fact that I deeply wanted to find something real; so maybe it was my way of telling the Universe “Hey, something like this but even better, please?”…  And you know what? It worked!  Cos seriously, when I say that I never got physical with like 90% of the men I fancied or dated (hardly ever both at the same time), I’m not exaggerating… but I do know now, that was my own doing, because there was always that something I didn’t like and it just kept making me want to stick to my list!  Everyone told me that I was crazy, and that I would never find a man who could ever fulfill my every requirement… To all of you who said that, I have to reply:  you were right!  Stephen Cole doesn’t have a car, but he meets all of the 42 remaining requirements, and he even added a couple of his own that I didn’t even know I wanted, so yeah, I’m keeping him!  No one really needs a car in England, anyway, so I was going to cross that one off the list at some point.  (Those of you who actually enjoy driving or whose commutes would not be happily handled without a car may be free to disregard that last line.)

Right, but what about the rest of my life? What else has changed?  Well, I brought Wideawake to full completion and sent it to an agent, so that’s a huge deal for me…  also, I’m translating my short story collection and starting a whole new non-fiction book, besides continuing work on the Pentacle series.  Everything I start I will finish from now on, not like in past years, when I spent two weeks in Ann Arbor working on a novel just to flick it away because it disagreed with my reasons to write it… or like with Pentacle itself, which I’ve reset five or six times now!  I will finish those books and you will hear from me!  Oh, wait, that came out like a threat… Eh, I will finish those books and my name shall be known!  Still a bit dark overlord-ish, but yeah, works better…

The business thing, well, that one fell through, but I have just opened my proper healing page online and you’re all welcome to check it out… (ahem, advert! http://clarityfoundinmindandspace.com/). (Yeah, I didn’t think it though with how long that name is…  I might change it later on, but Clarity Found will remain…).

There is one thing I must do, though, and that is to thank everyone who’s been with me on this wonderful path, reading me and lending me their ears and shoulders; friends and family and mentors; from the youngest to the oldest; all far away so close, as we’ll always be…  We may not talk as often as we’d wish, and see each other even less, but let me tell you this, I have not, any single moment, stopped being grateful of everyone who’s touched my life… well, it took me a bit to acknowledge that those who brought the darkness were actually blessings in disguise, because they steered me into this particular path, but you all know what I mean.

This seems like an end-of-the-year closing entry, but I’ll still write next week… that’ll be my Hobbit verdict, however, like last year’s…  And the New Year’s one, on the first Friday of 2015, will be my read-in-the-year-top-20 book list…  this, nonetheless, is the end of an era for me, because once again I’m leaving London, but mostly because I have finally found what I was looking for, and this farewell to the city marks a new beginning for me.  Of course I’ll keep searching for the rest of my wish list, namely my getting myself sorted as an author, and lifting the online business so that I can manage my life as well! (Please Universe, you see how hard I work, make it happen?).

Anyway, I suppose I wanted to close the year with an account of what you’ve seen me go through, and brief answers about what I have and haven’t managed, but more than that, I wanted to close the circle from when I started a year ago to the moment I am now, so that next year starts fresh and new because the healing will have taken place!

I wish you all the best…  Merry Christmas, Hanukkah or Winter Solstice (or anything else you might celebrate) (or all at once!), and see you next week to talk about Bilbo Baggins and his quest again!

Cheers and blessings!