In all
honesty, I was planning to do the lazy thing and post today something that I’d
written earlier in my life, not because I don’t want to write anything new today,
but because I really really really have to finish Wideawake today… However, as I searched in my files and opened
old school essays, or short stories from various workshops, or even the Top-whatever
lists I have been promising different friends I would post on this blog at some
point, I realized something I was being slightly blind to… well, many things,
hence the “Things I…” part of the title up there… As of now, this will be a bit of a taster of
what’s to come over the next few weeks, because I do want to expand on each and
every one of the subjects, and keep a few promises along the way, but, as I
said, I really really really, truly, need to finish my novel today (for
personal reasons, not excruciating deadlines or anything, so no worries, my friends,
I will come back next week fresh and ready to start with the first subject on
the list, which has been a long-standing promise not only to my readers here
but even before that, to myself because I did my BA in International Relations
for a very specific reason!).
OK, and the
list goes…
1.
I
have to learn to deliver my political views in a way that they will be taken
seriously… I do not have to change my writing style to do this, I just have to
be confident. Well, maybe I have to
change my writing style a *little* bit to deliver certain ideas, but there is always a space in creativity that allows
for a more serious air in order to introduce a serious subject, without
damaging the essence of the style on which the idea is delivered.
2.
If
I take some of my essays from school and post them here as they are, and then
do a follow-up on each one of those subjects, I might get away with leaving a
trace of my evolution as a person, a student, and a writer all at the same time… It might be scary as hell, because of how uncooked
those essays are, even though I normally got good grades for them, but the
reason I *didn’t* post one today is precisely because it *is* scary as hell…
3.
The
Tudors don’t fit into any of my TV show categories… No matter how I rearrange that Top 30, it
always ends up on its own… And that’s
because I turned out to be wrong about The Musketeers, which brings me to:
4.
OK,
this one is killing me… let me take a
breath and
and…
and (whimpers)
and say it already!
Aaaahhh
Athos is not the best male character in literature! Argh that hurt like hell!!
OK, so, I said that I would do an entry on each topic on this list, so I
will get into detail once I’m in the right mindset for this, but for now I will
only say this: yes, he is pretty great, and he will always be, just like all musketeers,
of course (well, just the four of them that we know as the Musketeer characters
from that era, but I’m guessing you already knew what I meant), and he is unequivocally
the most noble one of all male characters ever and whatnot, but he is just not
healthy… And I wish I could say that I’m
just coming to this conclusion, but it’s been on my mind for a couple of years,
and just a few months ago, by realizing how hard it was for me to read the
Vicomte de Bragelonne series, I realized that that was one of the things which
was impeding me to go through those four books as fast as I’d wish… My reason for this, and probably a lot of you
already know this: the guy’s just not healthy… leave aside the drinking problem
(that was probably not even an issue back then), but, deciding not to love ever
again just because of what one woman did wrong ages and ages ago? Yes, even if it was as bad as they showed it
on the current TV show, still, no. I
mean, and I’ll try my best to say this without spoilers, but to go *that* long
without someone to love? Not even when he had his son? That’s just wrong, psychologically speaking… (now
add the drinking problem, cos, yeah, I would have probably not even gone after
him back then just because of that). Thing
is, I have been going on and on for weeks about a woman’s right to ask for
love, and the Doctor’s right to seek love again, and about how it is a perfectly
natural and necessary part of the deal of being human (and, or, er Gallifreyan…)
, so why put Athos at the top of a list if he is actually choosing not
to have that, even though it is one of the main reasons he lives in continuous
emotional pain? Yes, he will definitely
remain on the list, but I have to seriously rearrange that thing, cos it’s
dated… I mean, being born in a generation that has
given us Faramir in Literature, Rory Williams on TV and Edward Bloom on Cinema,
I cannot just go “Oh, Athos was all noble and good for his times’ standards”
and whatever, because some of those standards do not apply to the psychological
health that my list requires in order for someone to be at the top of the list… Wait, Faramir was not from our time (and *possibly*
not our land, either, or at least Universe… cos I don’t think anybody has found
any archeological proof of Elves and Hobbits and Dwarves and all those battles
the books talk about, have they?) (Super-quick side note: anybody who dares
answer my last question seriously, I will send you a permanent tickling curse
that I have on my Harry Potter mobile app, I don’t care if you are only
thinking it, or commenting it other-where.
I will locate you and I will send it.).
Now that I think about it, Edward Bloom was a pathological liar. Hm. So
I should reconsider that list, then…
5.
And
while we’re on that subject, there is no way that Ten and Rose made a better
couple than Brennan and Booth… just no way.
I know, I’ve been side-blinded, er- blind-icened, no, blindtented, oh
blimey! Blind-sided all summer, probably because I had that unrealistic
marathon running with myself and I ended up binging on Doctor Who just weeks
before we began shooting because (surprise surprise) I did not time myself
right, but still, Brennan and Booth, come on! Those guys rock! It doesn’t matter that I never liked David
Boreanaz’s face, that’s not the point, I’m
talking psychology here, remember? Oh,
but I just hit myself in the face with that one, didn’t I? Thing is, I have a current Top 20 on TV couples,
and only one of those two can make Top 5 within that list. Hm… serious thinking here…*
And:
6.
I
think too much about character psychology…
I mean, I have spent all year trying to understand this guy’s
psychology, right? This summer and
autumn of filming I’ve been driving my director/producer and my co-stars crazy with
random questions and unnecessary detailing of things that I would eventually
not even need anyway, or that I would end up forgetting. (Newsflash: all this
time I thought I was Ten because of the
utter loneliness and the I don’t want to go thing, when it turns out that all
along I was One because of my absolute OCD when it comes to prop continuity and
my incessant mispronunciation of lines and forgetfulness of names… er, he was ill, what’s my excuse? Okay, I need to dial it up a notch, got it… )
(Yes, yes, yes, I gotta be my own me, I know, that’s completely unnecessary,
you know? I was just using that for comedic
relief…) Well, all of that and for what?
Only to now get myself side-tracked by a paradigm-shifted FBI Agent in a
cool Crime series because I just realized, by page 161, that there are numerous
ill-fitting plot points in my novel, and that one of them (that I fortunately already
fixed) was the backstory for my own FBI Agent Andrew Carter! So there I go into character psychology
again, yaddah yaddah yaddah, and realize the two female characters also have
gaps that by now should have been filled… But the other thing is, a year ago I wrote the
exact same scene in Wideawake than I had written in The Shadow Behind like
seven years ago!! Argh, so now I’m stuck
at that page, sorting thru that one moment that I know I need but I have no
idea how to reset so that I’m not plagiarizing myself! So, am I going to finish editing tonight?
No. Do I feel okay with it? No. Am I going to complain and whine and stuff
about it for ages on end? Nope! I just
needed to rant, that’s all… Besides,
this is fun! It’s a healthy way for me
to sort through these matters here, cos I can see a bit clearer after I
distance myself from them…
Yeah, but Doctor psychology is bloody fantastic, and I’m never letting
go of that one…!
(And yeah, you can add my boyfriend to that pile, although I’m
reconsidering my discourse methods here as well: If my original intention was
to be mysterious about his identity in order to bring in the element of
surprise, but the fact that our production had to be stalled for longer than I
was able to keep my literary resources going, would it be worth it if I reset
the technique so that by the time the videos are uploaded, the new readers who
come in here and link into them or vice versa can have a No way moment when I
unveil his identity for the second time?
Er, it would be a fun experiment to conduct, if it were not for the fact
that everyone who knows us knows we’re together, and that we’re completely open
about it and that anybody who does a search of us will find the other right
then and there…) (We interrupt this blog to bring you an extremely subliminal
author/actor product placement here…) (Did it work?) (Is anybody right now on
Facebook or YouTube looking for Sandra Tena or Stephen Cole?) (No?) (Oh well, I’ll
try again next week…) (Um, I sense I should end this conveniently long series
of parenthesis. It was fun while it
lasted).
So cheers then, and thanks for coming by… just the fact that you’re all peeking in to see what I’ve come up with this week gives me motive to construct something out of letters and words, which makes me really happy then that I didn’t use one of my old writings just now! Not that it won’t happen in the future, but just now I feel like I cleared a bit of clutter from my brain, which is always good…!
Cheers then! Much love and blessings!
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