Downtrodden but Uplifted!

Happy, happy news! A couple of weeks ago we had the launch for The Downtrodden, a modern adaptation of Les Miserables, which focuses on the group of student insurrectionists by turning them into student activists at Bath University. The sheer amount of excitement over the launch of the pilot from fans all over the world, and the further support we have received since then speaks volumes both of the quality of the production and of the need for speaking up regarding so many subjects in today's world. It also says a lot about how relevant Victor Hugo's take on the June Revelion in Paris still is! This is something that Dorian Ravenscroft, the creator, co-writer and director of the web series, really wanted to showcase from its conception.

Now, as a member of the cast as well as an active member of Shadow of the Tor Ltd, the multimedia production company behind The Downtrodden, it would completely unfair and biased of me to review the series, but I can certainly write about my experience and let you watch it yourself to compare and contrast!

To begin with, Shadow of the Tor is a fairly new production company in Glastonbury, born out of the collaboration between Francis Oliver and Brad Crowley during the very first Samhain Wild Hunt organised by Glastonbury Dragons CIC, and fueled by a great number of talented individuals who came together to create and bring to life all kind of stories. Two years down the line, Dorian and his husband Alex brought The Downtrodden to the table, based on a story that has meant literally the world to them, and alongside their friend George Cook, Dorian wrote the pilot. Now, their story is one that only they can decide whether to tell or not, and how publicly if so, but the one thing I can say is that they found each other across the ocean after a lifetime of being misunderstood and boxed into identities neither of them wished for, which in turn led them to become equal rights activists and to join groups that would allow them the healthiest outlet for all their creative ideas.

As their story resembles mine and my husband's so incredibly much, both Stephen and I became close friends with the Ravenscrofts, and as Shadow of the Tor grew side by side with Stephen's and my own company, His & Hers Theatre Company, in a constant friendly environment of collaboration, my joy at being cast as Feuilly in Dorian's version of Les Mis has been one of the greatest honours of my life! Having shared the stage before with him and Alex for A Midsummer Night's Dream, where Dorian played Demetrius and Alex played Bottom (to my Titania), I already knew they were extremely talented and that playing their dream characters in The Downtrodden would be of the highest quality - as Enjolras and Grantaire respectively - but even I was blown away by their portrayals!

Other members of the cast include award-winning actress Lydia Stobie-Owen playing Cosette, and Ethan Hall playing Marius - who actually played Hermia and Lysander in our Dream! Rhiannon Locke plays Eponine; Joey Watson and Jaydon Marsden as Courfeyrac and Combeferre respectively make up the Triumvirate alongside Dorian; Xandy Waddington plays Bossuet and has also been the brilliant mind behind the music; Cléophée Young plays Musichetta; Kaiden Valmont plays Jehan Prouvaire; Paige Kelland was chosen to give life to Joly just as I was to Feuilly, as it makes perfect sense for most of the young revolutionaries to have been male back then, given that it was a student movement, but needless to say it makes more sense now for more women to be in such groups today; Jon Coyne, another Shadow of the Tor director, plays Montparnasse, and Brad himself plays Bahorel. Nick Hutton and Lysah Hughesman make cameos as Jean Valjean and Fantine, and there will be someone coming in as Javert, too, as well as a possible Gavroche (watch this space!).

It is, joyfully, quite an impressive cast! And all the crew is fantastic as well, most of whom we'll be collaborating with constantly! People with plenty of experience as well as newcomers, all from different nationalities, as well as diverse races, sexual orientations and gender identities. Shadow of the Tor Ltd prides itself for its ethos of inclusivity and equality, and The Downtrodden truly showcases that. I'm proud and deeply honoured to have been chosen for my part in this, as Dorian and George have touched on all the current subjects that are so important to me at a personal level, and being chosen to play Feuilly in particular, the "self-taught worker" as various descriptions define him, makes me feel like I have achieved a professional goal in itself!

I have such admiration and respect for this incredible group of people - some of whom Stephen and I are currently working with in the Panto, as Rhiannon is co-directing alongside Sophia Wood and Jon and Lysah are sharing the stage with us, and some of whom we'll be working with soon again, as Dorian, Alex, Lydia, Ethan and Nick will be reprising their roles for A Midsummer Night's Dream during Glastonbury Fringe in May! I can only say that everyone in this group deserves to shine and that I can't wait to see what the future holds for Shadow.

And in case there was ever a question about this, His & Hers Theatre Company will always share Shadow of the Tor's values of inclusivity and equality, and most of all, I will always proudly say that collaboration and lifting up those that truly deserve to shine is what I want my life to be about.
So then, watch, enjoy, and share away!

Love, peace and solidarity,
Sandra Cole ~ Actress, Model, Writer, Esoteric Practitioner.

*All pictures and gifs were taken from Instagram and Tumblr's The Downtrodden profiles and affiliated accounts. The first picture is from Dorian's birthday, hence the knife in his hand and the slice of cake in mine. That, or we are definitely planning a rebellion, I'll leave that to you to decide.

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Birthdays & Festivals

Last Saturday, January 12th, Glastonbury was host to what now has become another one of our most brilliant international festivals: the Body Art charity event for the benefit of Children's World. Thirty models from all over the UK stood in Glastonbury Town Hall since 9am while over thirty artists from all over the world transformed their bodies into Gods and Goddesses. Every single person shone during the creation period, and later they shone even more during a series of catwalks which made the event an extraordinary experience for everyone involved!

Last Saturday was also my birthday. I had been extremely disappointed last year for not being able to take part, and so being included this year made my birthday extraordinary! And doing it for charity even more so!

As a disclaimer, this is not a review of the event, but rather a retelling of my experience in it and  several emotions that came up, which I have to address for my own sake and perhaps of others as well. To stand there in the hall while I was being painted was impressive, I will say! To watch all the artists at work, creating some of the most beautiful renditions that I have ever seen in my life, was pure inspiration come alive! Watching Mel herself collaborate with Debbie Payne to make two beauties into completely different Goddesses: Bastet and Aphrodite, Morgan Pandolfino and Bonnie Stafford respectively, was breathtaking. Watching the power team of Abi Falkner and Star Falkner Neal create a powerful and nurturing Horned God (with probably the most beautiful painting of a stag that I've ever seen right on Star's chest) was incredibly grounding. Watching Kerrie Suzie Sudburry be transformed by Sian Eirwen Drew into a living Fire and then dance with her Luak Fire Tribe rings on the catwalk, was tantalising. Watching Eddy Whirl adorn his good friend Sam Smith the Blacksmith to become Thor (with a Sif heart on his bicep and all), as Sam carried his own hammer with pride and dignity, was utterly uplifting. Watching Linda Ravenscroft, our go-to Faery lady here in Glastonbury, transform one of her closest friends, the sweet and lovely Melanie Woodbury, into the Morrigan, was iconic. Watching Carrie Cunnington discover an entire galaxy on Louise Neale's back will feed me soothing dreams and healing for years to come!

The very talented Robyn, who painted me, is an experienced henna artist and face painter and I hope I'm right in believing that after this she'll also be sought after for body painting! She chose the Goddess Arianrhod - or rather, Arianrhod came to us as we sat and talked about ideas after the traditional blessing of the Wren during Yuletide here in Glastonbury. As I wish to close with my experience with embodying Arianrhod and what it meant to me, I'll talk over the other stuff first: the things that came up that I'm in need to express...

Now, I haven't heard a single negative thing about the event, or about any of the artists or models, but rather everyone has been constantly in full awe and support of the intricate beauty of all the creations. There was, however, a very strange comment on one of my new friends' threads when she shared her pictures of the event: "But what was it for? In the end, nothing but naked people strutting around in their underwear and covered in paint. Great confidence, though." I simply answered that it had been to raise funds for Children's World, but there was plenty more I still needed to answer, although I didn't quite know it at the time...

You see, I come from a country where taking part in an event such as this is highly criticized, even considered tacky and shameful... Not to say that people in Mexico don't appreciate body art at all, oh no! They appreciate it in the viral videos that we send each other on facebook and WhatsApp, they might even appreciate it greatly if it was brought by a company from the outside, with European, American, Japanese or Brazilian models, maybe even enough to take their families to it! But for someone from their midst to do it? Oh, no... No no no no no... No no no no no... And if it so happens that that someone from their midst who wants to do it looks like me? Ohhhh no... No no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no!

Or, maybe I'm exaggerating - maybe it's *not* everyone in Mexico that thinks like that. Maybe it's just the specific society that I was born and raised in. As much as I love my family and friends, and I always hurt so deeply for not being considered enough by them in so many ways, I have to admit that this time around it's so incredibly clear why I'm here and not there...

It's not so much whether I'm considered beautiful enough or not anymore - even though I was bullied throughout my life because of the way I look and I was constantly told I would never make it as a model or as an actress, and only a few people back in Mexico were ever supportive of my choices - family and friends which I've just referred to... What does any of this have to do with Children's World, I hear you ask? Well, the event, magnificently organized by Mel Broom and Stephen Duross, was open to beginners and veterans alike, which meant that first timers such as Robyn Jean, who painted me, would be showcasing her work next to fantasy art legends such as Terry English and John Mason, and that first time models, such as myself, would be sharing the catwalk with internationally renowned models such as Sofie Maceanruig and Sunnie Daze, and pretty much no one looked down on the beginners! To many people that might be a given, and even those mentioned here could be wondering why I'm even remarking on it - but I know for a fact that it's not like that all over the world, and that it needs to be said.

What's more, the director of Children's World was one of the amazing models, carrying off the artwork on her body with beauty and grace that had everyone in pure awe of her - Kristen Lindop, I applaud you! Not only was she *not* shamed by anyone and told off for taking her clothes off and being painted over in front of the whole town, but she was actually congratulated for it. She was actually told over and over again how impressed they were by her and how beautifully she carried off Ocean Love's artwork on her body. I can't imagine a single scenario in which that would have happened in Durango when I was growing up. Maybe things have changed since last I lived there, but unfortunately I have yet to see it.

So, when someone asked what this was for, that's why a huge part of the answer got stuck in my throat! So, yes, it was an event for charity and for the entertainment of the community (otherwise it wouldn't have been a sold out event!), but it might also be a huge eye-opener for those who live in different places of the world, considering how they view the arts, the human body, and the expression of both - let alone sexuality! That last one might be a subject for another day, but there is still something associated with that which needs to be addressed: the taboo subject of the beauty of the human body.

Yes, I said taboo. At this time and age we're all used to sayings like "body positivity" and "real women have curves", and even events like this are often marketed as for "no matter what size or shape", which, to begin with is very much all right for helping people feel more confident and to raise awareness in terms of physical and mental health, but I believe we need to look deeper into that. In certain communities this might mean that your courage in taking part in it only relies on how *you're not* model material and that strutting about next to those people who are *real* beauties is something that only someone who has that kind of courage can do. It's a really passive-aggressive way of telling someone they're not very worth finding attractive... Yet it doesn't mean the person isn't attractive, as most of what's considered attractive in societies of that kind is extremely corrupted by the media and social standards (which, as I mentioned above with the example of the body art viral videos, are double standards!).

Now, I have written a lot already on this blog about real beauty and natural beauty, and do not wish to go around in circles, but as I also mentioned before, I have experienced a great amount of bullying and emotional abuse because of the way I look, and it's important to me that this bit is also left clear in case someone is going through a similar issue: I grew up in Latin America, which literally means that if you're intending to become an actress or model, the first thing you're instructed to do is to go and get a lipo, lip fillers and a boob job. I'm not even kidding. The lip fillers might be unnecessary if you'd rather get hair extensions. You get extra points if you do both. And, oh yes, you need to wear approximately 20 layers of makeup by day and 35 by night, otherwise you won't catch anyone's attention. I might have exaggerated the amount of makeup layers by five or six... If you don't do any of those things, then you're not beautiful. It doesn't matter how you look naturally, as only makeup delivers beauty... And only fake breasts are considered beautiful and sexy, as natural large breasts are seen as a cause of shame for the bearer - something that must be covered at all costs and never ever be shown in any sort of revealing or seductive way! All right, all right, this might have already changed as well in the last 10 years or so, but I'm still receiving backlash for my breasts, so there are things about this subject that makes me wonder quite a lot...

Of course, anyone who gets surgery for any kind of medical reason is of course fully worthy of respect, such as a woman who's gone through reconstructive surgery due to cancer, or a trans woman for her transition, or any kind of facial or body reconstruction after an accident or illness, but the idea of "only through surgery and makeup you'll be able to make it in the industry" that Mexico (and most of Latin America) has is undoubtedly highly detrimental to people's mental, emotional and physical health. I shall keep addressing this subject accordingly in future entries.

But, there were also men in the event, I hear you say... Right, and you think they don't undergo their own complicated issues regarding their looks or the pressure to be a certain way? In the case of the extraordinary models I had the good luck of sharing the stage with, I was struck by how manly and gentle they were all at the same time, and how much presence they had in the room while being painted and then on the catwalk too. In any case and event, I am referring to the emotional and psychological abuse that any one of us might have gone through in our past, regardless of gender or age, for which the act of getting up onto that catwalk might have been a beautiful step in our healing path - and lo and behold, we've got one more reason for this event to exist!

Now, I am incredibly lucky to have an amazing husband who not only completely supports me but also constantly goes to great pains to help me get out of the vicious circle of horrid fear and paranoia I keep ending up in... I had 32 years noxious programming to get rid of even before I met him, but Stephen is always there at the ready, just like he was a week ago, front row and taking pictures of me as Arianrhod. He was there in the morning, carrying everything we needed, and then again to watch the process flow, and yet again at night to watch me dance around naked in front of our community and several hundred visitors. This gorgeous man knows I'm worth supporting, and once again, that's something I could not have found in Durango... This gorgeous man knows I'm full of art and full of fire and that if I don't shine outwardly I will quietly burn in my seat until there's nothing left of me. And he is not afraid to help me shine. He is proud to help me show to the world what I can give! And so we both shine together, as His & Hers Theatre Company or with any other company or group we're working with - although more on that later!

Back to the goodness the event brought to us participants, regardless of whether the models were at their full ease on the catwalk or were breaking a huge paradigm and facing their fears, everybody shone and dazzled the audience on the day! There was possibly no way it could have been a competition, as every single walking canvas there had so much to be greatly applauded for, including the MCs, who made sure the evening was fully appreciated by everyone. Just to give you an example of the nurturing nature of the event, Mel, Debbie, Jan Webster and Tracy Osborne ran around all day making sure everyone was being taken care of, even though they had their own brilliant models to paint - and they have carried on being incredibly supportive to all even after all's done and finished!

So, to return to the beauties of having spent my birthday giving my birthday suit a coat of paint, not only was being painted over with brushes and sponges an extremely therapeutic experience (thanks to Diana Malling and of course the lovely Robyn herself!), but also the experience of being gazed at approvingly first by the other artists and models and then by members of the public when the doors opened so everyone could see the process of creation, was ultimately life-affirming and so emotionally rewarding! The moment of stepping on to the stage in all my glory - naked, blue and glowing - was a moment I had been waiting for all my life. I'm there, once again, where it all started: at the moment when my soul decreed that my life would be about creativity and creation, about reaffirming myself and others, about bringing hope and joy to all who watch me be me, and maybe even inspire others to be themselves as well...

In the roles I take, as I have taken some before, I don't mind the darkness and pain; in fact, I thrive on them! I let my psyche work its way into the character so I can become her and we are one. I work out the things that I might have had to fight through in the past. The dark is fine with me, and so is the light. This time I was Arianrhod, the Lady of the Silver Wheel, a Welsh Goddess with a tragic story who lives in a castle in the stars: Caer Sidi, in the constellation of Corona Borealis. You can see the castle and constellation depicted on my back. Arianrhod is also a Moon Goddess, a messenger between the worlds, and her companion is the owl, so I decided to portray her as a flowing force, flirty and serene, joyful and resolute, with a touch of classic rock and a pinch of sea salt for effect.
And thus I close today, happy, contented and warm at the thought of what this community stands for, and what it strives for!

See you again next time,

Sandra Tena Cole ~ Actress, Model, Writer, Dreamer, Achiever.

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Glastonbury Body Art Festival

Simply Me

Several years ago, as part of my therapy, a psychologist asked me who I am… The answer came in the form of a poem, which,  over the next session, only made the therapist ask me to be more concise and to not overthink the matter, response that still makes me laugh… Now, I deeply believe that this poem answers the question beautifully, especially because the instruction was to not say I’m a writer because that’s my “profession”, or a woman because that’s my “gender”, or that I am “daughter of” someone, or that I’m “a dreamer”, or that “I like this or that”…  I added all of that and more, because forming these verses allowed me to express that I accept me as I am, and provided me with more healing than many months of therapy.

I had originally published it in this blog back in 2014, in its original Spanish form, but I translated it upon settling in Glastonbury. There is no real reason as to why I hadn’t published it, but today seems the perfect day for doing so, as it yesterday (Saturday January 12th) was my birthday, and I spent it modelling for a charity event for the benefit of Children’s World! At the end of the poem you’ll find a picture of me on the catwalk, embodying the Goddess Arianrhod by the aid of the extremely talented and lovely Robyn Jean. The photo was taken by my husband, actor and playwright Stephen Cole. Even nearly nine years old, the poem contains my heart in it. I hope you enjoy it.

Who am I?

After days and days of mulling over this question, these words started flowing uncontrollably last minute. (Monday 6^th July, 2010).

I am a singing voice,

I am illusion and hope.

I am thought, laughter and fun.

I am my breasts, my face and my hair,

                my hips, my arms and my legs.

I’m the sea and I’m the Sierra,

I’m the proud gaze from the mirror,

I am song, poem and novel,

I am light, I am shadow, and I’m the passing cloud.

I am dawn, twilight, and everything in-between.

I am talent, I am friend and I’m a teacher,

                though I don’t yet know what classes I impart.

I’m a bird, a cat, a doe in the serene forest of peace.

I am colour, I am love,

but I’m never, never pain or woe.

I am a girl, a woman, a Goddess,

                and will be old some day, ahead,

                yet I choose to keep my joy and youth.

I am daughter, sister,

                cousin, niece, granddaughter,

maybe future mother of a precious being,

wife (let’s hope) I shall be when I decide it so.

I’m the starry mantle that covers the Earth,

I’m the Moon, I’m Venus, I’m the Sun.

I’m finesse, tenderness and romance,

I’m the wind, the rain, the golden flame and the earth under my feet.

I’m my voice, my dreams and my own reason,

I’m a passionate kiss and the soft caress of my fingertips.

I am gold and I am silver,

I’m a diamond, a ruby and an emerald,

                I’m the healing chrystal and a thousand polished stones.

I’m a whisper, booming laughter,

                a drum, a violin and a guitar.

I’m contradiction, January and August,

                I’m health, freedom and understanding,

                and I’m also the shining light of my intuition.

No matter how many changes I undergo,

                I am always, always, always me.

I am, nothing more and nothing less,

This woman that I always am.

Sandra Tena Cole ~ Actress, Model, Writer, Esoteric Explorer, Dreamer, Weaver

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His & Hers Theatre Company

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Robyn Jean's Instagram: @bodyartbyrobynjean

What You Will this Twelfth Night

Twelfth Night... The real Christmas for some, a night of fun and frolic presided over by the Lord of Misrule by others... January 5th for some, the 6th of this month for others... For those distracted souls that every once in a while we come across, sometimes January 12th, or even December 24th!

No...? No one else has ever been confused like this...? Wait... Was that just me then?
Oh rats...!

Fine, let me explain...!

For the longest time, I thought Twelfth Night was celebrated on my birthday, January 12th, and that it had nothing to do with Christmas, but that it celebrated, for some rare and obscure reason, the 12th night of the New Year! I took it upon myself to research what great symbolism the number 12 had, and oh, my, the phenomenal things I came across! It seems like every numerology practitioner out there has a different view of what numbers represent! Or at least they did, back in 1997 - I might do a proper entry about my interest in numerology further on, but for now I will focus on my teenage discoveries that led me to understand myself a bit better!

Well, let me also explain that in Mexico we don't celebrate Twelfth Night as such, but Epiphany rather. I'm not sufficiently versed in Catholic Mexican traditions to explain in what ways this is celebrated (yet from living in the UK for 6 years I can tell that it's not that different from the few bits I do know), but what it meant to me and my sister was chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate as a kid, and later on when I was a "grown up" a substantial amount of money to get myself some nice post-Christnas deals consisting of books, jewelry, movies, CDs, clothes, shoes and of course, chocolate.

Now, I was happy enough to know that for some, January 5th was the real night in which Jesus had been born; even at 10 or 11 years of age I understood that a Roman Emperor had changed the calendar, and then another one had changed it again, and that somewhere down the line another one had added his own name to it (making another one jealous and wanting his own name in it), and I reacted to that the very same way that I do now: I shrug my shoulders and acknowledge that the amount of days in the year are the same and that a lot of those dates are symbolic anyway, and that those that rely on the Sun or Moon, such as the Solstices and Equinoxes, as well as Easter, Ramadan and Chanukah are set by the Sun and the Moon each year anyway...  To me, there is no point in fighting over a date if December 25th means the same today as January 5th meant centuries ago, and all the symbolism is safeguarded by the old poems, legends and songs anyway.

I've already written my points of view of this before, so I'm getting back to Twelfth Night!

I was 11 years old when I first associated Twelfth Night with Christmas, as I heard a little ditty called The Twelve Days of Christmas at a neighborhood social - we were living at a University of Michigan campus flat at the time - and I was completely surprised to learn that it didn't have anything to do with my birthday after all! It had nothing to do with the New Year, but rather with the countdown to Christmas!

Now, that made cultural sense to me, because in Mexico people celebrate Christmas by holding a series of the famous (or infamous, depending on whether or not you like tamales) Posadas, which consist of mini Pastorelas (mini-pantomimes) telling the story of the trek the shepherds took to visit the newborn Baby Jesus, carols telling the story of Mary and Joseph seeking shelter, piñatas and mulled stuff. So of course to me that meant that it began on December 12th and carried on to the night in which Jesus was born! I carried on with that belief for another 5 years or so, which is one of the reasons that I started exploring numerology and what different numbers mean to me.

I was 16 at the time I learned about Twelfth Night being a play by Shakespeare (probably would have learned that way earlier if I had listened to my sister more carefully when talking about Shakespeare!), and I also learned about Viola and what it meant for her to crossdress. Around that time Mulan came out, and I began to see myself in a different way. I have already spoken a little bit about my sexual identity and the different issues that unravelled my personality in older entries, so I won't get into that just now, but I will say this: it was when I was 17, having started a path of spiritual growth, having been diagnosed with depression and being sidelined for many reasons (several already spoken of, most very much worth exploring in further entries), that I realised that my mind had always been ruled by the Lord of Misrule! That simple mistake about cultural symbolism and traditions, and the years of seeking understanding (unaided by ADD, taken off the path several times by a rough case of hyperimagination), got me to a place where I could fully understand who I was, and where I wanted to be... So, technically speaking, the Lord of Misrule guided me to a better understanding of myself!

Shakespeare's play is subtitled "What you will", which has such a beautiful psychological and spiritual connotation - traditionally, on Twelfth Night you could be whatever you wanted: fools became kings and kings were outed as fools; but also, lets remember that traditionally, the Fool or Court Jester was the only one who was allowed to speak the truth to the king, mostly about the king's shortcomings! The Fool is often known as the Wise Old Fool, and mistakes are often followed by learning and growth! Often, I say, although I will refrain to say how often...

And now for the extra twist: in the spiritual path I follow we have but one rule: An it harm none, do what you will! It is of course technically imposible to make sure that absolutely no one ever gets hurt from our actions, and I've had far too many discussions about this subject with people who express "Oh, but if you take your dream job someone else will end up whitout a job and so they will be hurt!" and such things...Oh, people...! I believe I wrote a very lengthy entry about this, Utopia, ages ago, but might enjoy exploring it further in the future! Anyhow, what the final words of the Wiccan Rede mean is that as long as you live a life where you're not actively trying to harm others with what you do, you should be free to do what you wish to - and considering that that is precisely what many of the great Masters have taught all throughout history, I think there might be some truth in those words! We don't need the cover of Twelfth Night anymore to be whatever we want to be: we can go for it and try our best, knowing that there's no reason for others to be harmed along the way...
I think there are enough clues hidden in this entry regarding everything I will be writing throughout the year, so I'll leave it here for now...
Now, unfortunately, due to the consequences of past incorrect decisions made by yours truly, I have not been able to start my year with posting my brand new entry on a Saturday as I'd actively planned... Wait, isn't Saturn a Lord of Misrule as well...? Ohhhh, now I get it...!

Have a blessed Twelfth Night, everyone,

Sandra Cole ~ Actress, Model, Writer, Dreamer!

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Mental Health Awareness DAYS

On Thursday I went to see "Over the Wall Picking Apples", a one man play written and performed by Richard Crowe, whom I've been very lucky to have shared the stage with during the very first Wells Theatre Festival earlier this year.

Now, Thursday also happened to be Mental Health awareness day, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been able to see Richard's courageously autobiographical play on that day - both as a way to respectfully mark it and to provide me with the courage to speak even more openly about my mental health issues.

Over the Wall Picking Apples is the most poignant and beautiful take on mental health that I've ever seen on stage - deep, raw and humorous, and oh so greatly inspiring! Richard opted for full disclosure and the response has been respect, resonance and the spread of awareness as each audience member walks out with a smile on their lips and a tear in their eye. Richard's performance in itself is strong and engaging (no surprise for me there, after his powerful performance as Lord Capulet in Romeo & Juliet, for the aforementioned WTF); Ged Stephenson's direction certainly brought out the best of Richard's talents, and Kasha Miller's design of the production is compelling indeed!

Richard's main objective with this project was to educate his audience regarding bipolar disorder and mental health in general, as well as the experience of the thwarted concept of social norms regarding masculinity and how this affects mental health - and Richard achieved this brilliantly!

As Richard finished the evening with a Q&A, numerous questions came up, including how Richard dealt with the consequences of opening up to his wife and children. I can understand that to be a tantalising idea for most people, and I loved Richard's answer about the importance of being open, honest and sensible. Communication, communication, communication! That was the main message in his answers to most of the questions - and in the play itself, in its own way! My question was about how to deal with the consequences of being open with your parents... To me, there is something intrinsically terrifying in letting your parents know that something traumatic happened to you and that they can't do anything about it now. I can feel their pain and impotence and it shatters my heart just to think about them suffering with that. You see, they already know about my mental health condition, but they don't know the reason for my PTSD. I needed to know what Richard thought, and asked for his advice. Wisely enough, he replied he doesn't do advice - he is after all not an expert - yet he remarked again on the same message of Communication! Communication! Communication!

I relaxed into my question. I had just watched a grown man explore his full life in front of a room full of avid listeners. I cried for several minutes after the show was over because of how much I could relate to his experience. At that moment, in that room, there were no boundaries between age, gender or nationalities, even though his experience came from the lacks of communication in masculinity and mine from the external dissatisfaction with my femininity. His experience came from a Britain in the process of reconstruction while mine came from a Mexico with a lack of understanding mental health conditions. His experience included a wife and grown children while mine has a newly-found husband after years of being single and parents who are only now feeling comfortable with how well I'm doing.
(Disclaimer: I went from bad to worse over the course of about 8 years and my family were rightfully worried about whether I'd be able to make it to where I am or not. I would not be here now without their support!)

Anyway, at that moment I felt grateful that there are people in the world like Richard, who can explore this openly and inform and inspire people through their work. I have an incomplete book which I started when I was 11, and a blog entry that I wrote 2 weeks ago, and a series of unfinished entries, chapters and notes in-between which I plan to bring out one day and post and publish and preferably finish first! Some will come out in the form of fiction or poems, but all will hopefully continue the thread of Communication! Communication! Communication! that people like Richard have bravely started...

... and some have already been put out there by me, of course, in the many pages of this blog and in my already published books, but the journey of healing and growth compels me to bring out even more from the depths of my soul.
I just hope I can inspire people just as much!

See you next week!
Sandra Cole ~ Actress, Model, Writer, Esoteric Explorer and Happy Bookworm

In the picture, me (in the pink top) with my lovely and supportive family on my dad's 60th birthday, the year before I moved to England. Bless them all <3

My Amazon Author Page:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sandra-Ten/e/B00NWBFY6E/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

Communication

Communication,

What a funny little thing
Communication,
Gets me frazzled instantly...

Words, sentences, poems and jokes,
Misunderstandings, triggers, childhood memories and treats;
Dendrites extending to corroborate,
To pass a message that transcends time,
That will leave a mark wherever it falls:
Once said cannot be unsaid,
So make sure you've first had a deep conversation with yourself!

Communication,
What a base necessity,
Communication,
Ha, try living without it and see how life is!

Words, languages, frontiers and individuality,
Invocations, cantares, more poems and dreams!
Musical notes telling a story,
Touch and gestures that will mark one another with intention of without,
As we constantly need to reassure our selves,
Making sure our message makes sense inside and out!

Communication!
What a tidy little word,
Communication,
The one thing that connects the whole world!

Words, families, partners and friends,
Songs that we heard all our lives and with a horrid shock suddenly understand,
Stories from cultures, generations and journeys abroad,
Of conquest, understanding, liberation and growth,
Magicians, Word Weavers, Great Masters and Bards,
As the Priestess sings and wakes up a star,
The power of Words will live after we all die.

Communication,
Charts, more poems, stories and songs,
Communication as our world gets recorded forever more,
The healing of music, touch, gestures and - words!
Fall in love with a song and tell your story and communicate through lore...

More poems?
Why not!
Communication lets us all flow,
Grow,
Know...
Communication is like... Snow?

Sandra Tena Cole ~ Actress, Model, Writer, Esoteric Explorer & Happy Bookworm

Photo: the author as the Element of Air for the first Samhain Wild Hunt - Glastonbury Dragons Celebrations 2016.

My Amazon Author Page:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sandra-Ten/e/B00NWBFY6E/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

The return of that Voice in my Head

Today marks exactly 4 years since I met my wonderful husband Stephen, so what better way to celebrate than to joyfully bring back my blog!
Bring it back from where, I hear you ask? Well, lovely readers, truth be told, I simply don't know! The curious and ridiculous insatiable void that is The Internet took it away some time ago without any warning or explanation, and then brought it back to me a couple of weeks ago, again without warning or explanation!
So, as I said - best time to revise, or if I may be so bold, regenerate, That Voice in my Head! Four years ago, to the day, I danced around a Dalek at the bottom of Glastonbury Tor and my now husband came out of thin air to announce himself to Glastonbury, and we both fell head over heels for each other.
There was no other option - we were meant to be together, we fit like jigsaw pieces that had been put into the wrong boxes and had finally found their set in the right Blue Box.
The context is, of course, we were both playing the Doctor in a fan series of Doctor Who, produced by our amazingly talented and magical friend Mani Navasothi, who we'll see tomorrow in London to celebrate the Equinox with our tribe - and you can feel free to read the rest of my blog to understand more of the context of all of this I'm relating now.
The next day was what I fondly like to call my second birthday. I was naked in the White Spring and absolutely everything in the world suddenly made sense. That was a key moment in the fan series which, spoilers! by the way...
There is a lot to be written here regarding healing, synchronicity, and creative outlets, some of which I've already described in previous entries, some of which I'll continue writing about as the years give me opportunities to explore these subjects - but one thing is certain: this is a time for renewal in my life! Old things that are not needed any more get recycled or tossed away, new things that I've desired come in or grow from creative projects and careful planning, and things which were taken away come back if they were really mine to have, sometimes in a slightly different shape, sometimes the same but better...
So tonight I've celebrated four years of life with this magical, handsome, creative oddball that is my husband, but guess what? I'm also celebrating the WHOLE life that came with him! From creative collaborations with some of the most fantastic people that I have ever had the honour of working with; magical growth in our personal healing and path with the Craft alongside so many really wise and powerful people we have connected with in this community; years of community celebrations at the Assembly Rooms and in the glorious land around Glastonbury and the Tor, honing our skills by joining forces with great ceremonialists and creative people all around; and last but never ever least, finding a wonderful way to connect and reconnect with our extended (and extensive!) family all around the world - including friends who have always been like family to each of us!
So, today I want to celebrate this Life I gained four years ago! This blessed, wonderful life and everything and everyone I love who is part of this life I love!
And before I start sounding like a tongue-twister (one of my many great skills!) I leave you happy readers and bid you all a wonderful weekend ahead.

Sandra Tena Cole ~ Actress, Model, Author, Esoteric Explorer and more