Oh *blush*,
I wrote this as part of a dialogue between my characters, hehehe, but it just
went on and on and on and I realized that it was exactly what I wanted to say
to so many people with whom I’ve had the “Romance: real or not?” conversation
(and with many that have ever given me the “You must love yourself before asking
someone to love you” speech). I actually wrote this weeks ago, with no idea
whatsoever that what happened to me last weekend was going to happen, so it now
makes it all the more poignant for me to post it… maybe to make it very clear
to the Universe that *this* is what I believe, and that I am more than ready to
put a full stop to the recurring heartache that my life has developed into... So, I will keep writing now from the moment I
broke the character monologue… and here goes!
And all
this I write to say, folks, don’t keep love away from life! Don’t judge a woman
because she might need companionship at one point or another. To need romance is extremely different than
needing friendship or nurturing love from parents or family. It’s not that one is “deeper” than the
other. In fact, there is not one “deeper”
love at all. Love is love in EVERY way,
it just changes shape depending on the chemistry it creates (or lack of thereof)
between the people involved; and the fact that a woman needs romantic love
every once in a while does not make her weak at all, or incomplete, or should
be classified as “having feelings of low-self worth”, or such said things. A woman needing romantic love is merely
HUMAN, something society has forgotten ever since romance was pegged as an
illusory thing, as a fantasy image that people cling to when they’re unhappy
with their lives… Well, it’s not: it’s real and should be brought back to life…
Dating should come back, flowers should come back, being the best person for
someone we fancy should come back… Wait,
that can be misunderstood… Let me
expand. New paragraph please :)
See, here
is where we erred, when it was stated that dating is a masquerade because a
person only puts on their best face to awe someone and then shows his/her real
face when they have them under their spell…
What are we? A bunch of
nincompoopy loser jerks? No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no… As if “morning face” was a bad thing, or being angry at something or
having a bad day meant being a bad person… the idea of “now showing the real
face” seems to convey that letting the other person see the “real you” means
showing a really bad person that lies underneath the “good face” shown on the
date… BUT unless the person is actually evil, then the “real them” should not
be bad at all! If the real person is
indeed evil, or truly horrible, then he/she would be pathological and should
not be considered into the normal (so to say) standard of what dating is
usually like, is it? I mean, we’ve all
got our horror stories of the person who only wanted to date us for sex or for
money or for whatever, but I refuse to believe that that is the majority of the
population… I mean, most of us are
really okay guys, aren’t we? People who
are searching for what’s best for them in the world should not be put down just
because they had a bad day one time, nor should they be classified as to
“having shown their true face”. And in
any case, it should never be that we look better or act better on a date than
we do at home just because we want to impress someone… It would be better that we always strive to
be the best person we can be, but for ourselves, not for others… and then, when
we do meet someone we fancy, then we would want to show them that beauty: we
should be proud to show them the better person we’re becoming or have become.
That’s what
dates should turn into, a pleasure to be ourselves because we already love who
we are, and show that person happily to others…
That’s why romance is real, because it came from real emotions and real
desires to follow-up on those emotions…
and just the fact that the world is so sexed-up today –don’t get me
wrong, I like sex as much as the next person-, it should not mean that sex has
to stop being romantic altogether…
I have to
make a little tangent here… So, the liberty of sex, then… I have
had so many talks about this subject with so many people over the past few
months that it’s starting to make me feel like a preacher. Lol. (I guess). (Yeah, why not? Let’s try and look
at it from the ironic-twist point of view).
So then, yeah, lol. Ironic twist:
I do not believe in religion. I am not a
moralist. I am not a
goody-two-shoes. I am a woman with needs
and desires just like anybody else; I support the need of women to maintain
their beautiful-being status while they also do career and brainy stuff. Like many others, I also believe that the
world has become so sexed-up that it’s just not as enticing anymore, and girls
have to run around half-naked just to prove that they can compete, but that’s
where the respect is lost and women get separated into two categories: the easy
ones and the respectful ones. The easy
ones have a hard enough time feeling that they’re not lovable enough, and the
respectful ones have to sit there and pretend not to care when the men around
them gape at all the other girls but won’t touch *them* (the respectful ones)
because they respect them too much...
I’m saying this out of both my own experience and from comments I’ve
heard from women of many ages and many nationalities...
More
tangent... I think that because I’ve been overweight because of my medication
for such a long time, it’s hard for me to let go of the pain of not looking the
way I wish so I could be sexy-stylish without looking easy... the thing is,
even overweight, I love my body, and I love it when people notice I have a good
body, and it is important to me that if a man is interested in me then he shows
me that he appreciates me visually, but that hardly ever happens... (oh, me me
me, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Sorry about
the egotistic rant there, I have a point, I promise). Because I tend to fall
for really amazing guys who have direction and a lot of brains and usually a
touch of that geekiness that I find so appealing, I try to follow their signs
and when I feel that they feel the same way then make my move and it goes so
wrong... God help me, were I dare to
show my cleavage or my legs and they “respectfully” avert their eyes... I lean
forward and they lean back. (Er, not physically, but as in terms of taking that
scary I’M INTERESTED step...). They go
with “You’re so beautiful and so smart and you deserve someone great”. Yes I do, and I was going for you, you
dummy. The only one time I actually went
for “Let’s have sex now” I was greeted with a very uneasy “Are you crazy?”.
Granted, I was not aware that that one time he had actually had sex with a
close friend of mine just weeks before, so I guess that I should not take *that*
one too personal. (Oh, and note: I am
not talking about one-night stands, I’m talking about the ones I truly find
interesting, attractive and amazing. Period.
The ones I am worth having by my side.
Double period.) OMG I feel so
Carrie Bradshaw now going all sex-talk on my blog... I should have stayed in bed and kicked my
heels in the air as I typed instead of getting all British Library(—ish?). Maybe next time, lol.
So, back to
the (secondary) subject: just because sex has become so important (or rather,
so open) in every-day life, it does not mean that dating and romance should be
forgotten... It would just be healthier
if it was a combination of all three...
Just to
close, let’s go back to go back to the “deeper” love thing: it’s always a
contest, isn’t it? “A mother’s love is deeper because she carries and
nurtures”, or “A father’s love is deeper because he provides and protects”, or
a grandparent’s love is deeper because it’s tenderness, or a sibling’s cos it’s
strength, or a friend’s cos it’s chosen and unconditional... I could go on and on... But I won’t. I want to finish this with a
statement:
Love is
LOVE. Period. It is all the same. It
comes in different shapes and sizes and colours and textures, but it is always
deep. Love means deepness. Love means it IS. And it can end and it can start just like
anything else in the world. But when it’s there, it’s there. When you love someone as a parent, as a
friend, as a partner, it’s love all the same, even though the physical and
biochemical responses to each are so different between them. Love is love.
Take it and enjoy it and live it.
Oh, that
was a whole paragraph then...
Good... Well, just add to that
the next statement: if it hasn’t been transformed into love yet but it’s
underway, then take it and enjoy it and live it all the same... I mean, cos I was talking about dating in the
beginning of this entry, and we obviously can’t fall in love just like that
while we’re dating, but there is a reason for the “deeper” love subject to have
been inserted here. It’s not that out of
the blue... Well, it’s out of the blue
box, true, cos I started writing the first bit of the blog (the one that was
mean to be part of a dialogue) from something Peter Capaldi said online about
the Doctor not flirting with Clara because he wanted to take the Doctor’s love
back to that “deeper” love he showed in the original series... so I wrote the dialogue! Lol.
He just made me be in the right place to order some of these ideas, and
I truly respect the man greatly ;)... Not because I disagree with him about the
idea of what “deeper” love is (and in fact am glad to know there won’t be
flirting involved this season), does that make me less eager for tomorrow
evening to come around... But I to close
up (again) let’s just say that the process of finding love should be just as
beautiful as having it already, and there are plenty of people out there who
deserve to be happy as they search for love.
It’s the same than with all kinds of happiness really, that’s why I
spoke of the path on the first paragraph: so many lines have been written about
this, in all times and all places, the key is enjoying the path... Oh, the key to happiness is a matter for
another entry, maybe someday when I’m not so much on page three but at the beginning
of the document? I think that if I could
just get over that whole “Academic writing stresses me out” I could even write
a whole essay on it, given the amount of things I’ve learned about happiness in
my life... That makes me feel good. I wish the same for everyone else ... OK, I have to close now...!
Oh, as I thanked
Capaldi for spurring me with his words, I also want to thank Cordelia and
Louise de la Valliere, because they too gave me good insights on the matter from
the pages of two amazing Classics...
Much love
to all, of EVERY kind available! And
blessings and happy days and nights ahead!
Cheers!
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